“I would mask a lot, trying to fit in with everyone else, trying to share their interests, and failing. “
The transition from adolescence to adulthood can be an exciting and worrying time as young people face new opportunities as well as new challenges. Victoria Ellen, aka Actually Aspling, reflects on her experiences and shares what she learned along the way.
I was diagnosed at the age of 25, since my diagnosis I’ve been able to look back and reflect on my adolescent experiences and my transition to adulthood, and honestly everything makes sense, I just wish I knew I was Neurodivergent back then.
I was a quiet child, with a small group of friends; I say friends, they were people I followed. I would spend a lot of my time at home alone developing my special interests, which back then were TY beanie babies and Barbie dolls. However, this was seen as inappropriate for my age, and eventually something I tried to hide.
I would mask a lot, trying to fit in with everyone else, trying to share their interests, and failing. high school was a difficult stage of my life, but as soon as I left everything changed.
I was able to be myself, to dress the way I wanted and have my own interests. I didn’t feel as much pressure, although the mask stayed on. In my late teens I developed a new persona to fit my current friendship group, however this was more akin to my own identity. I felt more like myself, but still young at heart.
“I started to understand myself more, and getting the autism diagnosis just strengthened my clarity.”
At this point all my friends were going off to university, getting engaged and doing so much with their lives, and I was still clinging onto my childhood. I didn’t want to grow up, ever.
The transition to adulthood was rocky, friendships came and went, and I changed too. I was my own person, and although I still followed the crowd I wasn’t ashamed of who I was. I started to understand myself more, and getting the autism diagnosis just strengthened my clarity.
Even though I’m now classed as an adult, things remain pretty much the same. I’m still quite childish, as are my interests, but again I’ve learned the appropriate way to behave in certain situations. I’m able to act enough like an adult for the charade to pass. I’m able to hold a conversation, albeit without the eye contact, I’m able to dress in a formal way when I need too, I’m able to play a version of myself that society accepts.
The world doesn’t prepare you for adulthood, it’s a journey I faced alone, with some support from my parents. I don’t honestly feel all that independent, I rely on those around me, and depend on my husband tremendously. I believe that Autistic people can be independent, and supported to live their lives, but honestly, a lot of the time and resources go to children, which don’t get me wrong is just as important, but it’s not equal, and many adults miss out on much needed support.
It’s important that we take our time, go at our own pace, and that was guide ourselves into adulthood without feeling the societal pressures!
About Actually Aspling
Actually Aspling is run by Victoria Ellen, a neurodivergent advocate, speaker and blogger with a Psychology MSc.
Follow Actually Aspling’s Instagram page or visit the website.