“The seemingly harmless sentence, “we’re all a little autistic”, strips us of our indenity, the good and bad experiences that made us who we are today.”
Although it’s mostly said with the best intentions, almost as if they offered, “don’t worry, you’re not alone”, it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to say. Katie explains why…
Occasionally, when I disclose my autism diagnosis to someone, they smile at me – what I assume is supposed to be – reassuringly, and say, “that’s ok, we’re all a little autistic”.
If you’ve ever wondered how to better connect with an autistic friend or family member, avoiding this sentence is a good place to start.
Now, I’m sure the vast majority of people who utter the sentence, “we’re all a little autistic”, aren’t trying to belittle or trivialise. It’s more likely they’re saying it with the best intentions, almost as if they offered, “don’t worry, you’re not alone”.
But even if their intentions are good, that doesn’t excuse the fact those words are both hugely disrespectful and demeaning. Let me explain…
This throwaway comment doesn’t consider everything an autistic person has had to endure: years of bullying, discrimination and social isolation; a lifetime of not fitting in; enduring school yet not learning the skills your talent warrants; the heart-wrenching feeling like you don’t belong anywhere; and anxiety that follows.
Throughout my childhood, I was bullied for my differences by my peers and received little to no support from teachers and medical professionals. I grew up believing that I was different so I deserved to be treated differenlty; that I must not belong in this world.
I turned to masking my neurodiverse way of thinking and being, believing this is the only way I could survive school, work, and social situations. Instead, it inadvertently made me ashamed of who I was.
It took me years – if not, decades – to find my community, made up of neurodiverse individuals who shared my experiences and feelings. Then, I finally began to feel confident and to truly accecpt who I am.
The seemingly harmless sentence, “we’re all a little autistic”, strips us of our indenity, the good and bad experiences that made us who we are today.
“This throwaway comment doesn’t consider everything an autistic person has had to endure“
To put this into perspective, try applying the same prinicple to other cases.
Imagine having suffered with depression for years, only for someone to turn round and say, “well, everyone feels a little down now and again”.
Or if someone’s idea of comforting you after a dementia diagnosis was, “don’t worry, I’m forever losing and forgetting things!”
What should we say, instead of “we’re all a little autistic”?
I want to reiterate that I’m sure nine times out of ten, “we’re all a little autistic”, is said with the best intentions. I fully acknowledge that it’s not easy knowing what to say and how best to support someone – and this is why We Work With Autism exists. Not only to support autistic people, but to also help those wanting to support autistic people.
If you struggle to find the right words when an autistic person opens up to you, why not try one of the following:
- Thank you for opening up to me, it’s great learning more about you.
- I’d love to get a better understanding of what autism is, could you tell me more?
Thank you for reading, and feel free to join our community on Instagram.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”